Today I'm grateful for a clean home. I spent all day Friday scrubbing and scouring and spit-shining and polishing and oh whatever else goes into making a home. It has to last the rest of the week as I am 3 weeks away from graduation and in the final push for hours. I need 1500 to graduate. I'm sitting at 1347.5 at last count. A little over 50 hours a week in order to be done on time. I've already forewarned B and the babies that there won't be time for me to pre-cook dinners this week as it's finals, total look model, written exams, and then mucho grande studying for state boards. So for right now, I'm sitting at my dining room table surveying the loveliness that is cleanliness...while it lasts!
“Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.” - Eileen Caddy
Sunday, January 22
Tuesday, January 17
Day 17
The past week and a half has left little to be grateful for....on the surface.
I woke up at 5 am heaving from the depths of my soul into a trash can. Feverish and lethargic. Then 2 & 3 (Brandon lovingly refers to the kids by birth number) weren't too far behind. B had to call in to take care of us after he'd worked all the way through his own bought with it.
Took Ruthie the Wonder Van in to get her oil changed then our first day out and about after dreaded illness, she wonderfully shuts down underneath the overpass on 16th. $605 Smackers later....she dies before we even leave the mechanics parking lot. I was L.I.V.I.D. Too say the absolute very least.
3 days sharing one car with early morning trips back and forth to Lowe's and managing rides home so that I could go to school. We now have two vehicles again.
Did I also mention that in the middle of the car swaps there was some key confusion which resulted with me locking myself out of the house for the entirety of Friday. I wasn't even aware of this until I was rambling home with a truckload full of groceries. But it was very cold and snowy that day. Best part of cold, snowy days during an Indiana winter? It doesn't matter if you lock yourself out. You can get all cozy on the couches at The Earth House and read and read until you have to go pick up the kids and the husband who have keys and your groceries do not spoil :)
The steady hum of the Emergency Broadcast System has been the sound track of my past couple of weeks. This is a test. This is only a test. It is not an emergency. You still have much to be thankful for. It is simply to make sure that this word is penetrating into your heart and not just into your vocabulary.
Laying in bed unable to move without searing pain riping out my entrails, I cried with the gratitude that I wasn't in this by myself anymore. I have a partner. Someone who lets me lay on the couch as he cleans up puke at 2 am. Rolling through the city as it is just waking up in the early morning reminds me that I know call a place I once only dreamed of my home. Paying the mechanic and knowing we had the money to fix a SECOND car. Walking freely out of Kroger with the ingredients to make Eggplant Parmesan and watching a man with a severely deformed club foot make his way slowly inside...with a smile on his face.
My heart still sings. I feel light with the knowledge of all the blessings in my life.
Today I am grateful that last year I learned to be kind to myself. That I don't have a check list of Suppose-To's anymore. This time last year, I wouldn't have given myself the grace to post my gratitudes as I chose to . It would've been one more on a list to check off as accomplished and when I faltered under the weight of all my To-Do's, I would've felt like a failure. I would've read and re-read to make sure I didn't have errors or typos and second guessed my own words. Today, I simply write. If my fingers can't keep up, it's OK. If there is a run-on then I let it run-on. After all, that's really how I talk! So today I am grateful for the mercy I've learned to afford myself. It has given me great freedom.
When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears” - Anthony Robbins
I woke up at 5 am heaving from the depths of my soul into a trash can. Feverish and lethargic. Then 2 & 3 (Brandon lovingly refers to the kids by birth number) weren't too far behind. B had to call in to take care of us after he'd worked all the way through his own bought with it.
Took Ruthie the Wonder Van in to get her oil changed then our first day out and about after dreaded illness, she wonderfully shuts down underneath the overpass on 16th. $605 Smackers later....she dies before we even leave the mechanics parking lot. I was L.I.V.I.D. Too say the absolute very least.
3 days sharing one car with early morning trips back and forth to Lowe's and managing rides home so that I could go to school. We now have two vehicles again.
Did I also mention that in the middle of the car swaps there was some key confusion which resulted with me locking myself out of the house for the entirety of Friday. I wasn't even aware of this until I was rambling home with a truckload full of groceries. But it was very cold and snowy that day. Best part of cold, snowy days during an Indiana winter? It doesn't matter if you lock yourself out. You can get all cozy on the couches at The Earth House and read and read until you have to go pick up the kids and the husband who have keys and your groceries do not spoil :)
The steady hum of the Emergency Broadcast System has been the sound track of my past couple of weeks. This is a test. This is only a test. It is not an emergency. You still have much to be thankful for. It is simply to make sure that this word is penetrating into your heart and not just into your vocabulary.
Laying in bed unable to move without searing pain riping out my entrails, I cried with the gratitude that I wasn't in this by myself anymore. I have a partner. Someone who lets me lay on the couch as he cleans up puke at 2 am. Rolling through the city as it is just waking up in the early morning reminds me that I know call a place I once only dreamed of my home. Paying the mechanic and knowing we had the money to fix a SECOND car. Walking freely out of Kroger with the ingredients to make Eggplant Parmesan and watching a man with a severely deformed club foot make his way slowly inside...with a smile on his face.
My heart still sings. I feel light with the knowledge of all the blessings in my life.
Today I am grateful that last year I learned to be kind to myself. That I don't have a check list of Suppose-To's anymore. This time last year, I wouldn't have given myself the grace to post my gratitudes as I chose to . It would've been one more on a list to check off as accomplished and when I faltered under the weight of all my To-Do's, I would've felt like a failure. I would've read and re-read to make sure I didn't have errors or typos and second guessed my own words. Today, I simply write. If my fingers can't keep up, it's OK. If there is a run-on then I let it run-on. After all, that's really how I talk! So today I am grateful for the mercy I've learned to afford myself. It has given me great freedom.
When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears” - Anthony Robbins
Monday, January 9
Day Nine
Well yesterday I was just being a cry-baby whine-ass. Yes. That's the technical term for how I felt on such a lovely afternoon...or at least it was in my family.
I had plenty of things for which to be grateful...but I was in a no good stinky rotten mood. And I don't really have a good excuse as to why. Except for maybe lack of sleep.
Today, I was blessed with several things to chose from. Number One on that list was the kids new school. Lily was a nervous wreck when we dropped her off. Poor girl is nervous by nature anyway. Her stomach gets upset. She can't sleep. Anxiety really does a number on her. Dropping her off was hard. Em and Belle weren't as nervous...actually, I think Em probably was but doesn't often show her emotions. Picking them up though was something else entirely. Lily was bubbly and talkative in the hallway with her teacher. It was awesome. She fit. She made a new friend right off the bat. Walking across the street Izzy leaped to the window to wave enthusiastically at Lil through the window. Belle was placed in the class with Trinity, our next door neighbor. Only Em is left to find her niche. I know she's nervous, but I'm not. Em knows who she is and Jr. High is a hard place. She'll be wonderful. She's a smart, witty likable girl. What's not to love?
Gratitude is the memory of the heart. ~Jean Baptiste Massieu, translated from French
I had plenty of things for which to be grateful...but I was in a no good stinky rotten mood. And I don't really have a good excuse as to why. Except for maybe lack of sleep.
Today, I was blessed with several things to chose from. Number One on that list was the kids new school. Lily was a nervous wreck when we dropped her off. Poor girl is nervous by nature anyway. Her stomach gets upset. She can't sleep. Anxiety really does a number on her. Dropping her off was hard. Em and Belle weren't as nervous...actually, I think Em probably was but doesn't often show her emotions. Picking them up though was something else entirely. Lily was bubbly and talkative in the hallway with her teacher. It was awesome. She fit. She made a new friend right off the bat. Walking across the street Izzy leaped to the window to wave enthusiastically at Lil through the window. Belle was placed in the class with Trinity, our next door neighbor. Only Em is left to find her niche. I know she's nervous, but I'm not. Em knows who she is and Jr. High is a hard place. She'll be wonderful. She's a smart, witty likable girl. What's not to love?
Gratitude is the memory of the heart. ~Jean Baptiste Massieu, translated from French
Saturday, January 7
Day Seven
Little bit Betty Page. Little bit Joan Jet. That's my new fringe. AKA in American as bangs :)
I've always said that with hair she likes and a fresh tube of lipstick a girl can lick the whole world.
All I need is the lipstick...
What? You should totally be grateful for new hair!
I've always said that with hair she likes and a fresh tube of lipstick a girl can lick the whole world.
All I need is the lipstick...
What? You should totally be grateful for new hair!
Friday, January 6
Day Five and Six
Yesterday I was exHAUSted when I got home after a day with only 2 clients that took me a combined total of 10 HOURS!
First off I was scheduled for 10 hours, but the 2 clients were another matter. Lily was numero uno with a whole new do. II was an African American woman with the tightest coils I've ever seen in ma whole life!!! She goes natural to the point that she hadn't hot pressed her hair in a couple years, but her fella was itchin to see her hair straightened. In she came for a shampoo set and style. It took 2 of us 3 hours to get her hair smoothed out. It was very pretty, but truth be told I preferred her natural look.
Wore out, I walked in the door and bee lined it upstairs peeling off layers of clothes as I went pitching myself onto the Temper.
Yesterday I was thankful for the Temper-Pedic and high thread count sheets ;)
Today was a horse of a different color. The girls are going to a new school Monday. One WITHOUT uniforms. So today was back to school shopping. We had lunch at Paradise Cafe and dinner at Fire by the Monon (one of our family favorites. If you've never been rush rush I say right out and sample all it's goodnesses).
I'm half tempted to list today's gratitude as the Sunking Maulus Pi Christmas Ale because it was awesome (in sing song voice) but what I'm most grateful for in this day of treats is that we are in a place to financially provide this day.
“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” — Thornton Wilder
First off I was scheduled for 10 hours, but the 2 clients were another matter. Lily was numero uno with a whole new do. II was an African American woman with the tightest coils I've ever seen in ma whole life!!! She goes natural to the point that she hadn't hot pressed her hair in a couple years, but her fella was itchin to see her hair straightened. In she came for a shampoo set and style. It took 2 of us 3 hours to get her hair smoothed out. It was very pretty, but truth be told I preferred her natural look.
Wore out, I walked in the door and bee lined it upstairs peeling off layers of clothes as I went pitching myself onto the Temper.
Yesterday I was thankful for the Temper-Pedic and high thread count sheets ;)
Today was a horse of a different color. The girls are going to a new school Monday. One WITHOUT uniforms. So today was back to school shopping. We had lunch at Paradise Cafe and dinner at Fire by the Monon (one of our family favorites. If you've never been rush rush I say right out and sample all it's goodnesses).
I'm half tempted to list today's gratitude as the Sunking Maulus Pi Christmas Ale because it was awesome (in sing song voice) but what I'm most grateful for in this day of treats is that we are in a place to financially provide this day.
“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” — Thornton Wilder
Wednesday, January 4
Day Four
Whelp, it was bound to happen. The honeymoon is over. Only four days in. Today was a struggle finding ANYTHING to be grateful about. Which is quite sad really.
New school is in an old factory that is being redone bit by bit to create a very different type of learning environment. One in which the kids call their teacher Mr/Ms. Their First Name. It's not all spic and span and shiny new. It takes imagination and belief to get projects like this off the ground. My kids and their American eyes are a bit freaked out by this. It reminds me of my 2 grade year in Germany when I went to school in a renovated factory. The classrooms are shared with 2 grades in one room with one teacher. This also reminds me of my third and fourth grade years in Germany after the new school was build and we had LESS room. It worked out quite well. But change is hard...I'm not very good and giving grace for all the changes we've gone through in the past year. Must try to do better at that.
After enrolling them at the new place, unenrolling them at the old place, saying goodbyes to the staff at Paramount, and dropping the kids back home I had precisely one hour to grocery shop for my family of five and dash off to school. Lily was to accompany me tonight to get her hare did before school went back in session. I called and found I had another appointment on the books, so Lily was put of til tomorrow (side blessing: since she had to wait til Thursday and I'm logging extra hours to graduate on time this week I'm saving 50% on her total bill as that's our January promo! Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday 9-12 all tickets are half price!!!).
I played Supermarket Sweep dashing about here and there not reading all the labels of the desired contents that made their way into our cart. Miraculously (and with the fairy dust of 7 year old wings) I made it! Coming home the teenagers of course didn't offer to help unload the car. And then we had an ugly roe centered around a champagne flute and a silly lie. I was a screeching harpy. They were blowing me off which in turn lead to a Chernobyl like meltdown on my part. Aaaaand B walks in the door to sheer madness. Welcome to a house with four girls :) Oh and did I mention that somehow I'm gaining weight hand over fist?!?!
Work was not the creatively fulfilling experience it is usually. I'd cried all the way in, so I spent the evening with zero makeup and swollen puffy eyes. My hair looked like I had tried to pull it out. So needless to say, I completely looked like someone you'd trust with your hair. But then I had a pedicure. I put a new color on my toes. I'm not really thrilled with it, but it's good to try new things. Maybe after a day or two it will have grown on me. I came home and had good talks with my daughters about trust and respecting other peoples property. I have groceries that are overflowing my kitchen table where I ran out of time putting them away. My home is warm and there are people here who love each other. Even when we don't behave in lovable ways. So why was it that today the honeymoon on The Gratitude Project seemed to come to a close? Isn't that the point really? To force myself to see what is good in my life?
Now I have an overabundance of things to choose from....
Spinning the Wheel of Fortune, I choose The Gratitude Project itself as it took a crap day and made me search for joy. Followed closely by the fact that in this family we don't hold grudges. We may fight hard, but we love strongly with the sun not going down on our anger.
As each day comes to us refreshed and anew, so does my gratitude renew itself daily. The breaking of the sun over the horizon is my grateful heart dawning upon a blessed world. ~Terri Guillemets
New school is in an old factory that is being redone bit by bit to create a very different type of learning environment. One in which the kids call their teacher Mr/Ms. Their First Name. It's not all spic and span and shiny new. It takes imagination and belief to get projects like this off the ground. My kids and their American eyes are a bit freaked out by this. It reminds me of my 2 grade year in Germany when I went to school in a renovated factory. The classrooms are shared with 2 grades in one room with one teacher. This also reminds me of my third and fourth grade years in Germany after the new school was build and we had LESS room. It worked out quite well. But change is hard...I'm not very good and giving grace for all the changes we've gone through in the past year. Must try to do better at that.
After enrolling them at the new place, unenrolling them at the old place, saying goodbyes to the staff at Paramount, and dropping the kids back home I had precisely one hour to grocery shop for my family of five and dash off to school. Lily was to accompany me tonight to get her hare did before school went back in session. I called and found I had another appointment on the books, so Lily was put of til tomorrow (side blessing: since she had to wait til Thursday and I'm logging extra hours to graduate on time this week I'm saving 50% on her total bill as that's our January promo! Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday 9-12 all tickets are half price!!!).
I played Supermarket Sweep dashing about here and there not reading all the labels of the desired contents that made their way into our cart. Miraculously (and with the fairy dust of 7 year old wings) I made it! Coming home the teenagers of course didn't offer to help unload the car. And then we had an ugly roe centered around a champagne flute and a silly lie. I was a screeching harpy. They were blowing me off which in turn lead to a Chernobyl like meltdown on my part. Aaaaand B walks in the door to sheer madness. Welcome to a house with four girls :) Oh and did I mention that somehow I'm gaining weight hand over fist?!?!
Work was not the creatively fulfilling experience it is usually. I'd cried all the way in, so I spent the evening with zero makeup and swollen puffy eyes. My hair looked like I had tried to pull it out. So needless to say, I completely looked like someone you'd trust with your hair. But then I had a pedicure. I put a new color on my toes. I'm not really thrilled with it, but it's good to try new things. Maybe after a day or two it will have grown on me. I came home and had good talks with my daughters about trust and respecting other peoples property. I have groceries that are overflowing my kitchen table where I ran out of time putting them away. My home is warm and there are people here who love each other. Even when we don't behave in lovable ways. So why was it that today the honeymoon on The Gratitude Project seemed to come to a close? Isn't that the point really? To force myself to see what is good in my life?
Now I have an overabundance of things to choose from....
Spinning the Wheel of Fortune, I choose The Gratitude Project itself as it took a crap day and made me search for joy. Followed closely by the fact that in this family we don't hold grudges. We may fight hard, but we love strongly with the sun not going down on our anger.
As each day comes to us refreshed and anew, so does my gratitude renew itself daily. The breaking of the sun over the horizon is my grateful heart dawning upon a blessed world. ~Terri Guillemets
Tuesday, January 3
Day 3
Today was one of those days where my cup runneth over. We found the kids a new school to go to where we're hoping that Emma will be more academically challenged and Lily will keep with her current levels at Greenfield.
Upon finding that there isn't a uniform at the new school the kids whooped with joy and off to shop we went. We have to finish up on Friday and maybe Sunday after church.
I'm in my last 6 weeks of school and tonight I finished my besties final hair appointment with me at TSPA. And I must say it was by far her best color to date! After her appointment, we went to OG and had drinks and a late dinner. My heart is full with memories of being young and dinners at the east side location before movies at Cherry Tree plaza. Who knew then that someday we'd both be calling the eastside home?
Dinner brought with it some tough corrections. I'm usually the deliverer of a hard word to the people in my life. Being the one called to bring correction to the one who usually has that role is not an easy one, but after 17 years NiNi knows me and my heart well guiding me with love....and firmness if I push back to much. That's a good friend.
So today I'm grateful for the people who know and love you best....warts and all.
The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you. ~John E. Southard
Upon finding that there isn't a uniform at the new school the kids whooped with joy and off to shop we went. We have to finish up on Friday and maybe Sunday after church.
I'm in my last 6 weeks of school and tonight I finished my besties final hair appointment with me at TSPA. And I must say it was by far her best color to date! After her appointment, we went to OG and had drinks and a late dinner. My heart is full with memories of being young and dinners at the east side location before movies at Cherry Tree plaza. Who knew then that someday we'd both be calling the eastside home?
Dinner brought with it some tough corrections. I'm usually the deliverer of a hard word to the people in my life. Being the one called to bring correction to the one who usually has that role is not an easy one, but after 17 years NiNi knows me and my heart well guiding me with love....and firmness if I push back to much. That's a good friend.
So today I'm grateful for the people who know and love you best....warts and all.
The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you. ~John E. Southard
Monday, January 2
Day Two
This morning I woke up to a Belley-Girl crawling in bed with me. Snuggling in we had a few quiet moments to start the day. Em and Lily were with Jeremy so the entire day was spent with just me and the littlest one. Individual one on one time with each kid is rare, so when it happens it's like receiving a gift.
We had breakfast. Belle played a computer game while I did my bible study. We played war. She won. We didn't go out and do anything special. Mainly since it was the week after Christmas and January is typically a tight month as we all are rebounding. We didn't need to. Having uninterrupted time to laugh and talk and play was special enough.
In the middle of our card War, my cell phone chimed in with a text. Minding the fact that being present is my resolution, I let it sit. I figured if it was important they would call. It sat on the table for close to 45 minutes. I wish I could say it was easy. It wasn't. The curiosity was quite nagging actually. But leave it I did. This is what I discovered: pure, unadulterated joy in the face of my little girl as she solely held all of her mother's attention.
I don't know that any of my children can tell you a time they held every bit of my attention. 1) I suspect that I am ADD and often ping pong around. 2) I'm a mother of THREE! Multi-tasking comes out of sheer necessity! But I can tell you this...it was beautiful...that look she gave me. I want to see it again and again on the faces of all my children as they discover their mother wants nothing more than to be fully aware of their presence in her life.
Today I am thankful for the hard things. The places in our lives where the curtains are pulled back and areas of correction are exposed. Out of these hard places come renewal and new strengths. For that, I am grateful.
If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart
We had breakfast. Belle played a computer game while I did my bible study. We played war. She won. We didn't go out and do anything special. Mainly since it was the week after Christmas and January is typically a tight month as we all are rebounding. We didn't need to. Having uninterrupted time to laugh and talk and play was special enough.
In the middle of our card War, my cell phone chimed in with a text. Minding the fact that being present is my resolution, I let it sit. I figured if it was important they would call. It sat on the table for close to 45 minutes. I wish I could say it was easy. It wasn't. The curiosity was quite nagging actually. But leave it I did. This is what I discovered: pure, unadulterated joy in the face of my little girl as she solely held all of her mother's attention.
I don't know that any of my children can tell you a time they held every bit of my attention. 1) I suspect that I am ADD and often ping pong around. 2) I'm a mother of THREE! Multi-tasking comes out of sheer necessity! But I can tell you this...it was beautiful...that look she gave me. I want to see it again and again on the faces of all my children as they discover their mother wants nothing more than to be fully aware of their presence in her life.
Today I am thankful for the hard things. The places in our lives where the curtains are pulled back and areas of correction are exposed. Out of these hard places come renewal and new strengths. For that, I am grateful.
If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart
Sunday, January 1
Day One
A year ago, I was turned onto a blog written by a woman who picked one word every year. That word was her focus for the year to come. Now for some this may be the same thing as a resolution. For me it is not. My resolution is to try to be present. Not to over commit myself. Not to multi-task to the point of simply checking off a list and calling it my life. But to be focused and committed to what I am doing or who I am with at that very moment.
My word, however, is gratitude.
Lat year, I chose the word shine. Shine last year did. I was engaged. Married. We bought a house. I excelled at school making it possible for me to help other women shine. There were songs that seemed to sing that word to me over and over. Yet even in the midst of all that glitters darkness can creep into our hearts if we are not careful to guard it. With all my blessings, I was still harboring...AM still harboring some serious hurts. Not truly knowing how to let them go...possibly unwilling to let them go.
I was reading a book that caused me to chew on a couple of different things. It wasn't even a book that intended to do that. I wasn't trying to help myself. I was just reading for the sheer joy and pleasure of it. I kept putting it down at intervals and thinking: 'I wonder....' What I stumbled upon was my word for the next year.
It's hard to be hurt or angry or even pessimistic if your focus is on the fullness and blessings in your life. So begins The Gratitude Project. My attempt to focus on all there is to be thankful for.
Today I am thankful for a husband who encourages me to slow down and take days off. Not caring if that means the dishes are left unwashed or if he has to do a load of laundry. A man who is patient to teach me that life is not balls to the wall all the time. I am only able to learn this because he doesn't get angry or frustrated when I do take a day and do whatever I want :)
-What if the only thing you have tomorrow is what you thanked God for today?-
My word, however, is gratitude.
Lat year, I chose the word shine. Shine last year did. I was engaged. Married. We bought a house. I excelled at school making it possible for me to help other women shine. There were songs that seemed to sing that word to me over and over. Yet even in the midst of all that glitters darkness can creep into our hearts if we are not careful to guard it. With all my blessings, I was still harboring...AM still harboring some serious hurts. Not truly knowing how to let them go...possibly unwilling to let them go.
I was reading a book that caused me to chew on a couple of different things. It wasn't even a book that intended to do that. I wasn't trying to help myself. I was just reading for the sheer joy and pleasure of it. I kept putting it down at intervals and thinking: 'I wonder....' What I stumbled upon was my word for the next year.
It's hard to be hurt or angry or even pessimistic if your focus is on the fullness and blessings in your life. So begins The Gratitude Project. My attempt to focus on all there is to be thankful for.
Today I am thankful for a husband who encourages me to slow down and take days off. Not caring if that means the dishes are left unwashed or if he has to do a load of laundry. A man who is patient to teach me that life is not balls to the wall all the time. I am only able to learn this because he doesn't get angry or frustrated when I do take a day and do whatever I want :)
-What if the only thing you have tomorrow is what you thanked God for today?-
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